#2578 “Happy 950! The Suburban Senshi celebrate Xadium's Birthday!”
@spritflame
LINE chat excerpt starts - 30 September 2025 4:41PM
BIG_Green4:48 PM
I never want to hear about the "special ointment" again, understand?!
@SpeedRcrX4:48 PM
FINE I'll change the topic
So today is a very special day, because it's Xadium's 950th birthday
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte4:49 PM
...there's no way, he's a lot older than that
@[ DR. XADiUM ]4:50 PM
AGE IS JUST A NUMBER AND AFTER ALL THE CRAP I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS IS THE NUMBER I'M SETTLING ON. It pegs nicely with the number of years I've spent living on Earth :P
[gTV]C'est_la_V4:51 PM
Ehh? I thought you came to Earth in the 90s when we met, X-chan?
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte4:51 PM
Yes X I know you're bad at math but...
@[ DR. XADiUM ]4:52 PM
The timeline is ever-shifting, mine as well. Let's just say unrecorded shenanigans happened
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.4:52 PM
ror hahaha 950 you're older than dirt!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]4:53 PM
...didn't you turn 923 this year?
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.4:54 PM
I'm young, not like you!! You're super-ancient!!
Besides, you just said you made up the number!! :P
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte4:54 PM
She has you there :P
@[ DR. XADiUM ]4:55 PM
Look for beings as long-lived as Time Lords the actual time spent just starts to compress after a while.
@SpeedRcrX4:55 PM
ANYWAY
We all decided to get together and get X some presents, like we do every year.
But because someone left it to the last minute, I had to save the day by ordering random crap off the internet and we all picked it out of a bag and so what we give is whatever we found.
Mdm_Maestro4:56 PM
Haruka. You were the one we asked to get a gift registry going. You didn't bother, and so you just rushed to get things and assigned us whatever you found.
Det. Ema Skye4:58 PM
It sounds like this happens a lot.
DJ Reverend_H4:58 PM
100% of the time yo
@SpeedRcrX4:59 PM
Anyway, as the ex is setting up the party I figured we could do the gift presentations now
IrnChef_Jovian4:59 PM
I HAVE A NAME
@SpeedRcrX4:59 PM
SHE WHO DITCHED ME
IrnChef_Jovian5:00 PM
WELL IF YOU HADN'T DECIDED TO F[BLEEP]K EVERYTHING YOU SAW WITH BOOBS
@SpeedRcrX5:01 PM
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PUT THE DISCIPLINATOR 9000 ON MY CROTCH AND THEN YOUR CROTCH GOBLIN F[BLEEP]KED IT UP AND NOW I'VE BEEN OPERANTLY CONDITIONED TO BE A WOMANWHORE
IrnChef_Jovian5:01 PM
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE'RE NOT A THING
Mdm_Maestro5:02 PM
* Mdm_Maestro watches in such amusement as haruka reaps what she sows *
@SpeedRcrX5:02 PM
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DROVE ME INTO HER ARMS MISS "I MUST DUMP YOU BECAUSE YOU LOST IN THE BUDOKAI AND MADE ME LOOK BAD" MICHIRU
Mdm_Maestro5:03 PM
That was just the final nail in a very large coffin, haruka
Det. Ema Skye5:03 PM
Uhh guys, the... uhh, gifts?
@The Intern5:04 PM
Since there are a lot of party guests I've randomly selected 12 people and shuffled their names.
We'll start with Setsuna.
setsy_meiou5:05 PM
>:D Oh I'm sure you'll enjoy my present, X. On this special day of special days. It was randomly assigned to me, but it's so fitting for you!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:05 PM
...
setsy_meiou5:05 PM
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:05 PM
..what
setsy_meiou5:06 PM
What better than a model of a ding-dong van to remind you of what a blustering 'ding-dong' you are! :P
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:08 PM
@The Intern5:09 PM
...moving on to hopefully something nicer... Chibiusa?
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.5:09 PM
X you like cats so
I got you this alien one
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:10 PM
It's like a Labubu had a child with Luna
=^catablanca^=5:10 PM
...please don't give her ideas...
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte5:11 PM
X that's the Tiger from K-pop Demon Slayers.
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:12 PM
Why are there K-pop demons
@SpeedRcrX5:12 PM
What you think demons only exist in Japan?
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:12 PM
* [ DR. XADiUM ] shrugs and looks at Setsuna *
setsy_meiou5:13 PM
F[BLEEP]K YOU I'M A GOD NOW
@The Intern5:13 PM
Perhaps we should move on...
Paisley?
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte5:14 PM
Ahh, the random number gods again landed on something apt for you, love~
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:14 PM
...are you trying to tell me something, Paise?
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte5:15 PM
Maybe if you didn't listen, ignore and forget you'd know when I tell you things~
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.5:17 PM
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:17 PM
Is this a birthday celebration or a roast <_<
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.5:17 PM
yes
@The Intern5:18 PM
Next... Gemini?
@Texas_Samurai5:18 PM
Party supplies fer' a great party!
// J_Daito //5:19 PM
It should have had some popcorn in there because this savagery is quite derecious
DJ Reverend_H5:19 PM
A lotta shiny balls in that present for X yo
balls yo
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:19 PM
yes
DJ Reverend_H5:19 PM
balls
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:20 PM
WE GET IT
@The Intern5:21 PM
...Minako?
// J_Daito //5:21 PM
Are you reverse-chronologically the wives?
@The Intern5:21 PM
I swear to you this was a random draw.
That said, the universe does tend to manifest patterns...
DJ Reverend_H5:22 PM
What a loser yo
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:22 PM
HEY
[gTV]C'est_la_V5:22 PM
Stop picking on X-chan!! He's not a loser!!
he just f[BLEEP]ks up a lot!!
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:22 PM
...thanks?
[gTV]C'est_la_V5:23 PM
Anyway here!!
@SpeedRcrX5:23 PM
What the f[BLEEP]k
DJ Reverend_H5:23 PM
Is that a blinged out gimp mask, yo?
[gTV]C'est_la_V5:24 PM
I don't know it was the random selection!!
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte5:24 PM
S'like Auric Goldfinger immortalised a constipated Luchador
Mdm_Maestro5:24 PM
That's just terrifying...
[gTV]C'est_la_V5:25 PM
MOVE ON! MOVE ON!! INTERN-CHAN WHO'S NEXT!!
@The Intern5:25 PM
Artemis
=^catablanca^=5:25 PM
Okay let's see...
@SpeedRcrX5:26 PM
WHAT THE
Det. Ema Skye5:26 PM
FIFTY BUCKS AN OUNCE?!
@Chateaux Concierge5:27 PM
is there cocaine in those Cheetos? Because mama wants some if there is
Vermellia X. Rosso5:27 PM
Read closer you guys it's a pack of 50, so a little less than a buck an ounce
@SpeedRcrX5:28 PM
Dude that's still crazy but not what I'm talking about
is NO ONE gonna mention Artemis' f[BLEEP]king HANDS?!
[gTV]C'est_la_V5:28 PM
...you didn't know he could do that?
@SpeedRcrX5:28 PM
NO?! What the F[BLEEP]K?!
=^catablanca^=5:29 PM
It's like Chopper from One Piece. I have forms. I can change my body to manipulate things
GERMATOID5:29 PM
YOU MEAN LIKE HOW YOU MANIPULATE MY DAUGHTER?
FireFly_95:29 PM
PAPA!
@SpeedRcrX5:30 PM
OH GOD HOTARU HAVE YOU GONE DOWN THE PATH OF THE MOTOKI
=^catablanca^=5:30 PM
HEY I'M A MAN WHEN I--- CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE
FireFly_95:30 PM
...
@SpeedRcrX5:34 PM
WAIT HOW FAR HAVE YOU PROGRESSED WITH MY DAUGHTER
FireFly_95:34 PM
YOUR KIDNAPPED DAUGHTER
@SpeedRcrX5:34 PM
POSESSSION IS NINE-TENTHS OF THE LAW
DID HE POSSESS YOU
=^catablanca^=5:34 PM
INTERN PLEASE WHO'S NEXT
@The Intern5:35 PM
Detective Skye~
Det. Ema Skye5:35 PM
Okeedoke...
...I have no idea who that is
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:36 PM
LOL it's Pepsi Phil
Det. Ema Skye5:36 PM
Huh?
@SpeedRcrX5:36 PM
C.M.Punk and it's from his time in ÆW when he s[BLEEP]t up the place
like... I think you can see him passing out a turd right there
@[ DR. XADiUM ]5:37 PM
No he is the turd
@SpeedRcrX5:37 PM
YES 💯
Though that probably is a collector's edition now
@The Intern5:40 PM
Your turn, Cressida~
golD_lux5:40 PM
Thanks sweetie~
...I dunno what this is, Granpa.
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.5:41 PM
If X misbehaves you stick his d[BLEEP]k in there and turn the screw!
@Paisley Pythia Peinforte5:41 PM
* Paisley Pythia Peinforte will be keeping hold of that device :3 *
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