"Don't you find a little demeaning to have to clamber up a stepstool to look me in the eye?" Sakura Xadium Aino quipped, looking down into the large, deceptively-innocent of the little girl who, at the height of her power (literally) had called herself "Galaxia Spear."
For a moment, there was dead silence. Then, suddenly, with the clitter-clattering pitter patter of small little feet thumping against wooden rails, the smaller of the two figures rapidly clambered up the side of a stepstool and bounded forward, hauling off a hard slap to the Time Lady's face.
"I am asking the questions here!" Chibi-chibi exclaimed with dark venom, a bit of drool leaking from the side of her face. "How dare you defy me, Herald!"
Sakura's gaze locked with the little girl's. Ever since the rather unfortunate incident involving the late Sailor Mau, who had used her mother's Silence Glaive to literally carve out the heart of Chaos within the would-be successor to Galaxia, the de-powered potentate had been little more than a pathetic parody of her former self. Still, her power would not be denied, and thanks to her, the Galaxy was still descending into the flames of the second Sailor Wars.
"You turned my other Shitennou against me," Chibi-chibi chirped, hands on her hips. "You pretended to serve. You fought at my side!"
Sakura's gaze remained clear and calm. "So?"
Chibi-Chibi hopped off her stool and scrambled into the darkness, returning after a moment, grunting as she dragged Sakura's sheathed sword behind her.
"What the hell is this sword made of? GOLD?!" Chibi-Chibi cursed for a moment and tugged at the handle of the weapon, pressing one of her little feet against the top of the scabbard.
"The scabbard is lined with Cilsius Steel," Sakura intoned pedantically. "It has a specific iron / lead mixture, very useful for damping spiritual--"
She paused as Chibi-Chibi yelped, the force of snapping Sakura's katana out of its sheath suddenly throwing the small girl backwards. The crysteel blade glinted even in the darkness, a deadly display of beauty as Chibi-chibi's small hands lost their grip and it went tumbling back into the air.
Sakura gasped as the blade embedded itself in the wall right next to her head and slowly slid down, the crysteel cutting clean through the stone of the dungeon that held her as it descended, finally slowly coming to a stop near the ground.
"It will be my pleasure to kill you with your own weapon!" Chibi-chibi cackled, grabbing the hilt of the sword and yanked. Unfortunately for her, it was solidly embedded in the rock.
Sakura sweatdropped as Chibi-chibi tugged and tugged.
"You *pant* are so *pant* dead." Chibi-chibi's brow knotted in concentration. "So... very... *pant* dead." She kept pulling, to no avail.
Sakura, for her part, noted that the blade had sliced through one of her restraints, and so gently pulled her arm down from its spot. Taking a moment to will the blood flow back to her strained muscles, she reached into her leather vest for her sonic screwdriver and pulled it out, the tip of the shiny black tool glowing a bright blue as she used it to cut through her other restraint.
"So... gonna.... die..." Chibi-Chibi grunted with satisfaction, still pulling. Finally, suddenly, the blade slid out with ease. Someone behind her had helped her pull it out.
"Excellent!" the little girl began, turning around and looking up, her eyes widening as she caught sight of the glowing blue blade being wielded by Sakura herself.
"Thought you could have used a little help." Sakura grinned.
"Guards! GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSS!!" Chibi-Chibi screamed.
There was no answer.
Sakura sighed and looked at her pocketwatch, flipping it open and then snapping it shut authoritatively. By now the rear lines might have fallen. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen, and then stumbled. It's the year 8026, did you know?"
"Of course I knew that you blonde bimbo!" Chibi-Chibi hissed, beginning to run away. It looked like a comical attempt to run, but Sakura knew better. She had seen one of the Kinmoku Senshi fall to this selfsame tactic.
Sakura quickly rolled to the side as Chibi-Chibi turned, cackling, her eyes glowing red with power, as she unleashed a massive surge of what superficially resembled lightning at the Time Lord.
It was all Sakura could do to shield her eyes as the air tore around her, boiling and exploding from the subatomic on down. The very structure of reality was being disordered, returned to an entropic state. Such was the power of raw chaos.
Sakura bit her lower lip and transformed into Sailor Venus 2.0, using her greater power as a Senshi plus her Time Lord mastery of time to try and slow down the entropic effect, but it was no good. Chibi-Chibi, for all her childish foolishness, was deadlier than ever, her powers even wilder than when she had gained an adult body.
"What a joke, the girl who rejected being a Senshi now playing dress-up," Chibi-chibi cackled and turned her beam on Sakura, but changing its target.
Sakura screamed as she felt her insides burning. Chibi-Chibi... was trying to burn out her sailor crystal!
No... not trying... succeeding!
Sakura felt her transformation drop, hard. Every nerve was on fire. The core of her that was a Senshi of Venus was slowly dying.
Spitting up blood, Sakura glared at Chibi-chibi, hand tightening around her sword, the spiritual blade Arataka. Narrowing her eyes, she concentrated, and a blue light exploded from its blade, a shield of sorts forming around her.
"Why do you try to save that which you reject?" Chibi-chibi asked with disdain as she increased her onslaught to crack the shield.
"It's a useful tool," Sakura growled, dropping to one knee as she felt her defenses collapse.
"You can't stop me," Chibi-chibi chuckled. "You're nothing compared to me." She prepared to completely blast Sakura's Sailor Crystal right out of her body.
"I--"
Sakura's mouth opened to speak, but she no longer could. She was surrounded by an eerie white light, which cut against the black rivulets of Chibi-Chibi's power. Her pain was gone. Her body was more or less whole, though her Senshi powers were diminished, distorted, damaged, perhaps permanently. Still, she lived. And she felt... powerful. Powerful beyond imagining.
"What---" Chibi-Chibi's eyes widened. She upped the intensity of her blasts, hopping backwards and levitating upwards, firing bolt after bolt of black energy, raining entropy down upon the Time Lord.
"No." Sakura's hands moved in a blur, at speeds she could not herself comprehend. Batting back all the dark energy, she slowly stepped forward, inching closer to the little girl. Ever closer.
From the outside, the Time Lord looked stern and imposing. But mentally, she was in a deep panic. She wasn't speaking! She hadn't moved her arms at all! This was not her power, her strength! This was someone else, using her body like a puppet!!
Sakura had a choice. rei.bot had taught her many skills, one of which was how to force an occupying spirit from your body. She could do that. But if she did, the power that was protecting her would probably disperse. That would leave her open to attack. However, if she let it have its way with her...
Well, I'll kick it out later and hope it doesn't entrench itself too deeply in finishing off the Chibster, Sakura mused pragmatically. While there was life, there was hope, after all.
Sakura moved forward imperiously and raised her hand in front of Chibi-Chibi's terrified face, palm forward, as if ready to deliver a blast of ki.
The next thing she knew, Sakura had poked Chibi-Chibi in the eye. The tiny titan dropped to the ground and rolled in pain. What the hell kind of tactic is that?! Sakura asked herself, mentally sweatdropping.
"YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Sakura heard her mouth say, her voice suddenly sugary cute. "I NEVER DID LIKE YOU!!"
Sakura blinked as the white light that had protecting her suddenly moved out of her body and coalesced in front of her, forming the adult-sized body of Serenity the Third, Tsukino Usagi the Second, aka Her Highness Queen Chibiusa, Serenity the Just.
"Serenity III?!" Sakura exclaimed, jaw agape. Then her expression went from one of awe to supreme irritation. "You! YOU!!!" She pointed at the Sovereign of the Crystal Imperium, her hand trembling with mock rage born of shock and disbelief, tinctured with joy. "YOU!!!"
Serenity shrugged and walked over to Chibi-Chibi, kicking her in the side a few times for good measure before putting her palm on the terrible tot's forehead and blasting the last remnants of chaos out of her body and back into the universe at large, where it would take aeons to reform.
"But you sacrificed your life to save me!" Sakura exclaimed. "That time, you jumped in front of me, and took the blast meant for me, from Galaxia Spear! Your body, boiling away.... "
Sakura's gaze shifted to the middle distance as she remembered the time, almost a hundred years ago.
"That long, impassioned speech you gave to me about never forgetting who I was, and how it was all up to me because I had gotten you killed...."
Sakura glared at the woman who was nominally her sovereign. "The long, overwrought death rattle." She slapped her forehead. "By Rassilon, I should have known."
"What, like you're the only one who makes plans and things?!" Chibiusa snapped, turning to face Sakura. "Yeah, so I guilt tripped you for a hundred years. I faked my own death and stuck myself in your body cuz that stupid runt could smell my power a light year away. So I got all up in your brain and waited, waited till you could get close enough to her then I could take her down with my godly powers!"
"Your powers come from a rock, Sakura replied dimly. "And I WAS FEELING SORRY FOR YOU ALL THESE YEARS! DO YOU KNOW HOW ROTTEN I FELT?!"
"'Course I do, I was in your head," Chibiusa answered simply. "Man, your brain is crazy weird." Sakura shot her a nasty look.
"So I guilt tripped you, big deal," Chibiusa blurted, sticking out her tongue at Sakura and kicking Chibi-chibi in the kneeca--- err, face. "We just saved the empire here!"
"After several thousand years of war, the empire is just a forgotten husk of a planet, the imperial capitol on Mars a relic of the past. Everyone's out in the rest of galaxy fighting the Next Big Fight."
"Man!" Chibiusa sighed, resting her head in her hands and sitting on Chibi-Chibi's back as the little girl squirmed. "It's your stupid fault for taking so long to get captured!"
"Well so-RRIES," Sakura sighed, leaning on the badly damaged dungeon wall. She frowned as the stink of a plutonian poser met her Temporal senses.
"Puu," Chibiusa said out loud, with a smile as Meioh Setsuna emerged from the shadows, looking as youthful as ever. "Tell the others to come home."
"As you wish, Your highness." Setsuna kneeled on one knee and receded back into the mists of reality.
"They're all so old," Chibiusa mused. "They deserve to come home to live their lives on their worlds in peace before..."
Sakura nodded. "Heh, I hate to admit it, but you've come a long way from the little girl I once knew."
Chibiusa tilted her head and looked at Sakura with a small smile on her lips. "Oh yeah?"
"Yup." Sakura nodded, sharing the smile a little. "I won't bend my knee to you, though."
"Tell me about myself," Chibiusa asked slowly. "Ever since Ami-chan spent those years beating my brain up with her toys, I can't remember much about how I used to be."
Sakura shuddered. Battery Operated Hello Kitty.... "toys" converted into electroshock probes. Not a pretty thought. The girl should be glad she couldn't remember.
"You don't really want to know," Sakura began slowly, images of Chibiusa and Elios rolling in the hay, the sounds of screams and wild neighing assaulting her brain.
"Tell me about my friend Momoko-chan..." Chibiusa said insistently.
"Silicon Momoko, huh?" Sakura mused. "Okees."
With a crash, Chibiusa landed on something soft, yet hard as she re-entered her native time zone.
"OH MY GOD I THINK SHE BROKE IT!" Neo-Queen Serenity bawled as she shoved Chibiusa off a red-faced, doubled over in pain Neo-King Endymion.
"CHI! BI! U! SA!" Serenity screamed as her nude husband crawled slowly across the floor of the imperial throne room, sliding pathetically towards the royal telephone a foot at a time.
"gid dammat R u teo alweys dong dat siTT!1?!" Chibiusa screamed, glaring at her nude mother, who had covered her shame with some wings that had just appeared out of her back somehow. Magically.
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Serenity screamed. "NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO PUT A SPLINT IN IT OR SOMETHING!"
The sound of Endymons pathetic slow whine of defeated misery began to fill the room.
"OH BY ME, WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Serenity screeched. "WE'LL MAKE SURE AMI-CHAN LENGTHENS IT!"
"I'm not a piece... of meat...." Endymion said haltingly.
"OF COURSE YOU ARE!"
"ov curse u r!!1"
Endymion simply curled up in the fetal position and waited for the medics to arrive.
Chibiusa looked down at her father and suppressed the doujin-like urges that almost consumed her. She couldn't help it. Raised by female senshi in a female dominated world, for the longest time he was the only male figure she had ever known. Thus to her, he was still kind of the ideal male.
Serenity saw the look in Chibiusa's face, the quiver of her lower lip, and narrowed her eyes. No way was that kid going to pick up where she'd left off so many years ago! She had a horse, wasn't that enough?!
"CHIBIUSA!" Serenity yelled. "GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!"
"Wit ho?!1, i dnt gat new fransd hear anks 2 u baing a lodass bich ho scrams al da facking tim!11!"
"OH GO KIDNAP SOMEONE THEN!" Serenity yelled, throwing a royal sceptre at Chibiusa. "BEGONE FROM OUR ROYAL PRESENCE!"
Chibiusa gave her mother the finger and left the throne room, heading outside.
Shoot. Crystal Tokyo was still an amusement park, even after nearly being leveled by Haruka, Jedite and that Cosplay monster thing. And now the senshi were boring robot-like slaves held to her mother's will.
"Ho krap," Chibiusa mused. "wall si pat doez aminanate braselats on mi?! fak!!1"
Chibiusa realized that for all her bluster, her mother was a pretty smart woman when it came to the matter of looking after her own interests. She was dumb as a brick about stuff that didn't interest her, but when it came to Mamoru or having things done for her... oh man.
Shaking her head, she realized she needed allies. People she could trust. Hotaru-chan? No, she had stupid-ass ethics. People who were simple-minded and shallow, and thus easily led were better. Pawns. Minions. S[BLEEP]t like that.
Chibiusa chuckled. Where would be the best place to get them...
Well, as Hotaru-chan always said, "school was the breeding ground of the sheeple", so there was the best place to look. But not 30th Century schools. Those kids were too dangerous. When Star Trek geeks could REALLY have their own phasers, you knew you were s[BLEEP] out of luck. Geeks who could defend themselves when provoked were always nasty sights to behold.
No, to the past it would have to be.
Fishing around in her dress pockets, she searched for the small Time Key she had stolen from Puu. Damn, it was gone! She must have dropped it in the Throne Room when she landed on those two....
Sneaking back into the throne room, Chibiusa waited until her mother was busy playing Barbie Dress-Up in Real Life with herself as the Barbie and the Animamate Senshi as her attendants before looking for the key. She searchd the floor, ignoring the various fluids she encountered. No dice. Was it gone? Did her mother pck it up?
* * *
"How did that get in there, your majesty?" Sailor Mercury asked, looking at the golden key curiously, wiping it off with a tissue and sterilizing it in an autoclave.
Endymion simply lay on the operating table, prone with the examined area raised in the air, tears streaming from his eyes.
***
Damn, Chibiusa thought. She would need another way to Time Travel. Well, she could always steal another key off Puu.
***
The interior of the Imperial Basement was dank and smelly. It reaked of super cheap perfume and bubble gum. The walls were a glowing neon pink-- too pink for even Chibiusa to stomach-- and there were posters of stupildy cute boy band members from the 1980's plastered everywhere.
Sitting in the middle of the room in a bright purple straitjacket with gigantic shoulderpads was Meioh Setsuna, her eyes forced open by toothpicks, and a perpetually blown bubble of bazooka joe bubble gum extending from her lips.
Quivering, she sat, chained to her plush chair, forced to watch the comedy stylings of TV's Scott Baio and Willie Aames. Canned Studio laughter filled the room.
Setsuna's eyes strayed to Chibiusa for a moment, the look in her eyes screaming "kill me."
Chibiusa smiled. This one was ripe for the plucking.
"pu," she started. "ifv i lat u ot wall u halp mi kik az wen da tim is ryte?"
Setsuna nodded like a frightened animal as the Studio audience laughed.
"an u want bich abut mai usang da tim kaey rite"
Setsuna shook her head as the Studio Audience went "Ooohh."
Chibiusa slowly walked up behind Setsuna and unfastened some of the chains that bound her.
With superhuman strength, Setsuna leapt up and exploded out of the rest of her bonds, producing her Time Staff out of Thin Air and blowing a hole through the roof. As the sewer line above the basement ruptured and sprayed her with water and various other substances, the power began to fail.
In the flickering light of the failing power, and under the deluge, Setsuna looked up and raised her hands to the heavens ala Tim Robbins in Shawshank. She was finally free...
Chibiusa covered her nose and picked Pluto's pocket, making her way out of the s[BLEEP]t-covered 80's romper room.
Without a second's hesitation, Chibiusa held the key aloft and split a rift in time, flying back to the past...
"I dunno why, but I can't stop looking at her." The green-haired boy, Kyusuke blushed deeply as he stared at the girl in the front of the class. She stood tall and proud, her extremely ample bust jutting out in front of her, stretching the Chinese dress she wore to the limits of structural integrity.
"That's because she's a freak," The Vampire Lyrica Hubert said, tapping her long, black-painted fingernails on her black and red desk, frowning as some of the white paling powder on her face fell on it.
"Shut up Emo Girl," Kyusuke muttered weakly as he surveyed Momoko's assets thoroughly. "She's a goddess."
"There's enough plastic in there to fill six landfills," The Vampire Lyrica Hubert retorted, scratching the site of her latest Eldritch Temp Tattoo.
"God she's so good looking!" one of the girls in the back screeched. "I wish I could look just like her! Wow! Then my friend Lita could finally just SHUT UP about being the most 'talented', you know?!" She laughed with a braying, donkey like laugh.
"God the Gaijin never. Shuts. Up." The Vampire Lyrica Hubert turned and faced "Serina-chan", the bubbly moron Amerika-jin, and bared her plastic fangs at her. Serena simply cooed and exhaled "coooooooooooooooooooool....."
Momoko flashed the class a grin and lifted one lithe leg, carefully waxed and botoxed, and planted her foot on Kyusuke's desk.
"Holy crap *that* shouldn't be moving!" Kyusuke blurted, terrified that a previously inert piece of himself was suddenly very much not so.
"damn bich u gat tit gong on!" Chibiusa exclaimed, walking into the room.
"Hiiii Chibiusa~!" A cute girl in Sailor Fuku waved at her from the back row.
"Ta...Tamasaburou...." Kyusuke muttered. He wished the boy would stop dressing up like that. Yeah, he was rich, but damn. He could confuse a guy!
"sit its da freek" Chibiusa said under her breath, sighing. Shaking her head, she ignored the crossdresser. He was bishounen and beautiful.... but TOO beautiful. She shuddered.
"hay biches wanna kno sumtang coal"?" Chibiusa asked with a grin.
"Yeah, I wanna know..." Kyusuke began slowly. "Does that leg... go all the way up to your neck?" He looked up at Momoko with puppy-dog eyes, as did just about every boy in the room, except for Tamasaburou, who was ogling Chibiusa.
"Men," The Vampire Lyrica Hubert spat in disgust.
"All the way, baby," Momoko cooed, stroking Kyusuke's chin.
"God, he just thinks of you as an object, you know," The Vampire Lyrica Hubert observed, popping some black bubble gum.
"Yes," Momoko moaned. "A very.... desirable one." She smiled and Half the boys in the room passed out.
"Hloy sit dat rox," Chibiusa observed in awe.
"So tell us *your* secret, Chibiusa-chan," Tamasaburou asked with girlishly giddly glee.
"I'm frum da futar," Chibiusa replied confidently. "I'm a pincess, biches."
"Princess, hah!" The Vampire Lyrica Hubert rolled her eyes. "That's so 1980's Strawberry Shortcake. What's next, you going to wait for some dude on a white horse to come sweep you off your feet?"
"Hay dat sit happaned 2 mi!" Chibiusa retorted.
"Whoopdee s[BLEEP]t," was The Vampire Lyric Hubert's disinterested reply. "The Future's not going to be some fairy tale storybook, it's gonna be *dark*, and *angsty* and oh, so sexy black...". She shuddered a bit and smiled, pressing her supergoth emolipstick covered lips together as she pictured swiming in rivers of blood.
"u facking biches ull b mai sabjacts," Chibiusa snapped iratelty. "Wi ran da wurld an mak man dew wat wi went."
"I can make men do what *I* want right now," Momoko said with a smile as she shoved Kyusuke's head into her bountiful bosom, almost suffocating him.
"Everyone should be free!" Serena Chirped. "Abraham Lincoln said so when he freed the Water Tax by throwing boxes of Evian into Boston Public!" She nodded profoundly.
"What the hell is the Gaijin talking about again?" The Vampire Lyrica Hubert asked dimly.
"No idea," Tamasaburou said, sighing, cradling his head in his smooth, delicate, bathed in Oil-of-Olay hands.
As the classmates talked, a sinister figure lurked in the classroom, scrutinzing them all.
"Ahh yes," the sinister, animal shaped figure muttered to itself as the light level raised, revealing himself to be a short, stocky man-hamster. "I, Fap-Fap, last of the Demonic Pet series from Sailor V Tankoubon 3, who was cut for Budget reasons, have finally returned to wreak my vengeance upon those accursed Sailor Senshi who stole the limelight from my manga before I could appear in it!"
Fap-Fap brayed.
"Soon, Senshi," Fap-Fap muttered, steepling his cute furry fingers together ominously. "Soon, vegeance will be mine!"
"Yes, my pretty prey...." Fap-Fap burbled as he watched them walk. "Come closer.... closer... CLOSER... to you DOOM!" He brayed.
"Oh look," Momoko said, bending down to pick up something she had spotted on the ground.
"Oh, I am, I am," Myusuke muttered, leaning down to inspect her rounded derriere.
A solid slap from the Vampire Lyrica Hubert set the boy back on the straight and narrow.
"Such a cute animal!" Momoko cooed, picking up a small hamster.
"It looks like Hamtaro," Tamasaburou giggled.
"Ebichu bich," Chibiusa snapped.
"Hamtaro!" Tamasaburou barked back, cross.
"EBICHO!!11" Chibiusa yelled.
"OWWW!" Momoko cried as the hamster bit her finger.
INSTANTLY, Kyusuke was at Momoko's side, fawning over her to see if anything was wrong.
"God," The Vampire Lyrica Hubert sighed, rolling her eyes.
"AHAHAHAHAHA!" boomed laughter from the pedestrian overpass, as a sinister figure floated in midair just below it. "YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO MY TRAP, SAILOR SENSHI!"
"da fack!?" Chibiusa asked in shock. How could anyone have figured out her secret?!
"You there," Fap-Fab began, still looking cool, being backlit by the light, pointing to Tamasaburou. "The Everygirl, the typical Japanese schoolgirl."
Tamasaburou grinned as everyone else sweatdropped.
"And you, the deadly Soldier of Depression, who always spouts poetry!" He pointed to The Vampire Lyrica Hubert.
"Moi?" The Vampire Lyrica Hubert asked, barely raising a disinterested eyebrow.
"And YOU, the sexy bimbo leader who exists to provide fanservice to the masses!" He pointed to Momoko. "Along with her dashing manly consort!"
Kyuusuke totally ignored the scene, fawning over Momoko's mammar--- over Momoko.
"Hay!" Chibiusa demanded. "Wat abot mi bich!111"
Everyone just looked at Chibiusa and laughed. Hard.
"MATERFACKERS1111" Chibiusa yelled.
"You're just some poor unfortunate bystander who happens to get caught up in my energy sucking plot," Fap-Fap replied as he slowly lowered himself to the ground, using a scissors to cut the fishing line that had been holding him aloft as he touched ground.
Striding confidently forward, he pointed to Momoko's bitten hand. "HAHAHAHAH! EVEN NOW YOU ARE INFECTED BY THE SPIT OF MY EBITARO HAMCHU!"
Both Chibiusa and Masnori growled.
"You ruined my manicure!" Momoko exclaimed with a scowl, walking over to punch Fap-Fap. Unfortunately her bust pressed against him and kept her out of swinging range.
"HA HA HA, SAILOR MOON! YOUR SEXINESS BETRAYS YOU! NOW YOU FACE MY WRATH! THE WRATH OF FAP-FAP!"
Grabbing Momoko by the slender waist, Fap-Fap swung her sideways and threw her off the road and into the canal by the drainage ditch.
"Nooooo! I can't swimmmmmmmmmmm!!!" Momoko cried out as she fell.
"MOMOOOOOOOOOOKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kyusuke screamed in horror.
"Fak!" Chibiusa yelled, getting ready to transform.
"Hey, everyone, it's ok!" Momoko yelled from the canal, bobbing up and down with the tide, her buoyant bosom keeping her afloat.
Fap-Fap looked down at this incredulously. "I--Impossible! What secret senshi weapon is this!?"
"HSSSSSSSSH!" The Vampire Lyrica Hubery hissed, sinking her fangs into Fap-Faps' neck.
"OH GOD THE PAIN!" Fap-Fap screamed, pulling away and running, clutching at his neck, tearing the fangs off The Vampire Lyrica Hubert's teeth as he went.
"Hey!" The Vampire Lyrica Hubert protested, following. "Gimme back my fangs, jerkoff!"
"I have seen enough!"
A Sailor Suited figure stood silhoueeted by the sunm right in front of the fleeing Fap-Fap. "Bad manga might allow it, but I won't! In the name of pointless Omake fiction everywhere, I will punish you!"
"Oh god..." The Vampire Lyrica Hubert sighed as the figure yelled out "Tamasaburou Teatime Tiara Action!"
A teacup flew from Tamasaburou's hand and slammed into Fap-Fap's face, knocking him out cold.
"i... i dandt gt a chunce 2 trinsfurm..." Chibiusa muttered, sweatdropping as the others began kicking Fap-Fap while he was down.
"Hey, we make a pretty good team," Kyusuke babbled as he gazed at Momoko's massive chest.
"And what, exactly, were you doing all this time?" The Vampire Lyrica Hubert asked Kyusuke dimly.
"bang uselass lik all da boifrands of da sanshi r," Chibiusa remarked sarcastically, prompting a laugh from all the girls and Tamasaburo.
"Let us all celebrate our victory with a cup of delicious tea, made in the way of my Tea-Master family," Tamasaburo said with a giggle and a smile.
"Sure, Tama-chan," The Vampire Lyrica Hubert agreed. "Just don't sit cross-legged in front of me while wearing that Fuku, ok?"
As the kids moved off and headed to Tamasaburo's mansion, Chibiusa lagged behind. She had really missed her friends. But to hang out with her school chums meant that she would have to actually *go* to school, which would suck. Maybe she'd look up Hotaru-chan and the others, see how they were doing after all this time. And with Momoko's new look, she was sure she could get some action from the guys on the side. She just better not let Elios see her.
"I... will.... have... my.... revenge...." he muttered, just as Sailor Venus ran over him with a bicycle.
"When you said you were from the future I didn't think you meant 2003," Momoko muttered in annoyance as Chibiusa chuckled.
"ur gona luv da intarnat," Chibiusa said with glee as she logged onto the Tomoe Labs IRC server. "U kan chat wit all kinds of sak pplz"
"Oh yeah?" Momoko asked as Kyusuke, her "man-purse", hung off her side, carrying her things.
"ya im having sybarsax wit kam jong al rite new"
"The crazy North korean leader? Ewww...." Momoko muttered.
"eyem jast slapping with ham 4 da codez 2 da nukeleer worhads," Chibiusa replied with glee.
"Manipulating men for power," Momoko said with a smile, as she looked over at Kyusuke. "I like it."
"Moamako-chun," Chibiusa said with a smile, putting a hand on Momoko's shoulder. "Dis culd B da beganning ov a bootyful frandshap"
* * *
"I remember that now!" Chibiusa said with a bright grin. "Such good times!"
Sakura nodded dimly. "Right."
"Hey, hey!" Chibiusa said, sitting down on the ground in almost a child-like pose, even though she was as stunningly mature and beautiful as a goddess herself. "Tell me another story about the past! Help me remember everything about everyone!"
"They are so gonna kill me if I make you revert back to type," Sakura joked. "But what the heck. What's next?"
Chibiusa's red eyes shone with anticipation. "I heard Michiru-chan was evil once, Sakura-kun! What happened to that?!"
Sakura leaned back on the grimy dungeon wall and whistled. "Oooh, that's a looong story."
Underneath Chibiusa, the almost flattened Chibi-Chibi groaned. "This hurts.... chibi..."
ZINGER:
"Holy crap *that* shouldn't be moving!" Kyusuke blurted.